billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
