hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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