After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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