Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
