i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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