some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
