We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
