Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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