You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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