Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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