Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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