Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I currently don't understand fingers.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
