What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
