He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
