sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize