Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
