Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
