I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
