i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
