College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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