Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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