I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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