Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
