He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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