Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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