from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
