I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize