I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
