Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She needs sedatives and a leash
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
