I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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