so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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