Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
