Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
