I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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