I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need water and some morals
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
