Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
