New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need a beard to bite.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
