my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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