Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
