Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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