I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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