Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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