Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
