Moan for me like Helen Keller
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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