I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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