can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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