we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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