you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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