Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
