sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
