If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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