She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
