I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
