That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
