to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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