if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
