you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
