I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
