I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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