oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
