She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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