dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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