When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
