Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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