dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
