Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
honey bunches of taint.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize