we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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