Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We have started to decorate penises.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
