Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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