i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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