I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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