Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize