At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
