Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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