Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Randomize
