My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
