Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
