Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
