Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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