I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize