He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
