I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
