things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize