...so i touched it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
