ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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